I dunno. Is this story humorous? True?

Collected April 2009:

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One day on campus a local radio station did a live broadcast from the quad of the college, with their right-wing, flag-waving, self-proclaimed patriot “on a mission for God and Country” loud-mouthed cigar-smoking host.

The Marine watched, stunned, as the radio host goaded the college crowd by saying, “Is God real?  Of course He is.  And He favors our glorious war in Iraq, and He favors waterboarding every ‘towel-head’ we can catch — the more the better.  Do I think that’s unChristian?  No — and here’s my offer:  God, if you disagree and think we shouldn’t be waterboarding everyone who might bear ill-will to the U.S. of A., you can come down here, knock me off this platform and shut off my microphone in the next ten minutes.”

The crowd fell silent. You could hear the pigeons on the statue of Nathan Bedford Forrest cooing, but even they got quieter.

Five minutes went by, the station cut to a series of ads, and then the radio host proclaimed, ‘”Here I am God. I’m still waiting.  Do you think we should take it easy on our enemies, or torture them because they deserve it?” It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine strode out of the crowd, walked up to the radio host, and cold-cocked him, knocking him off the platform.  Then the marine found the switch on the microphone and turned it off.  Even the radio station’s engineer was too stunned to do anything.  The radio guy was out cold.

The Marine went back into the crowd and sat down on the grass, silently. The other students were shocked, stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. No one even called campus police.  Eventually the radio station called the engineer on his cell phone and everyone heard the engineer describe what had just happened.  “No, he’s out cold.”  But the radio announcer was stirring.

The talk jock eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, “What the h— is the wrong with you, you f——up m———-ing dope smoker? Why did you do that?”

The Marine calmly replied, “God was too busy today protecting American soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot.   So, God sent me.  If we waterboard their guys, our soldiers will have worse stuff done to them.  That punch was from every Marine and soldier in Iraq and Afghanistan who wants to come home to his wife and children.”

Is this a true story?  Is it funny?  Is it tragic?  What is it?

Tip of the old scrub brush to Pharyngula.  P.Z. made me do it.

6 Responses to I dunno. Is this story humorous? True?

  1. Just Shout "Why?"!!! says:

    Unfortunately, by virtue of family ties, I have a plethora of asinine stories like this one landing in my email inbox. I wonder what the writers/forwarders of these stories think? “OOOOOO! WOW!!! That’ll tell ’em”? And then do they reply to each other “Good one!” “Way to go!” “Gimme five – screw those commie liberals!”? BLAH-BLAH-BLAH ad nauseam. It’s a lame, predictable story created to get the lemmings cheering the “cause”. This is just another example of low-brained propaganda designed to entertain and inflame the mass of simpletons that have been brainwashed into thinking that the Conservative upper crust gives a rat’s backside about them.


  2. Nick Kelsier says:

    Well I have to love the fact that the Bush’s point to the dismantling of an attack on the Library tower in LA as proof that torture works.

    Though I’m still trying to figure out if they think this is the movie Back to the Future because they’re claiming that torture worked to stop an attack by breaking a prisoner that 1: was in custody before the torture was authorized and 2: that the attack was stopped before the torture was authorized.

    I swear the Republican’s motto should be “Yes, America, we think you are the stupidest and most gullible people on the planet.”


  3. zhoen says:

    Regardless of it’s factuality, or lack thereof, it’s interesting that it’s being told these days. So many stories coming out about the efficacy of EIT, and further testimony that it has not produced any real intelligence. The latter being borne out by history, torture being for the sadism of agents, not reliable information.


  4. Nick Kelsier says:

    So, Jonolan, we should do to our enemies what our enemies would do to our soldiers? Tell me..how does that make us right?

    Oh and it’s not “harsher interrogation methods.” It’s torture.


  5. Davis says:

    true or not, it’s a great story


  6. jonolan says:

    It’s actually a somewhat silly story – and a riff on an old joke about an Atheist professor and a Marine.

    Our servicemen and women ALREADY expect that sort of treatment – and far worse – from the forces that we fight. To say that thee US’ harsher interrogation methods would cause other groups to torture Americans is rather flawed because they already do and then send the videos of it to Al-Jazeera for publication.


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